Falling in love does make you feel happy and happy. However, there are some people who have a phobia of falling in love or also called philophobia.
Philophobia is the extreme fear of falling in love, cultivating an emotional connection, and maintaining that relationship. It can be a form of attachment disorder that results in social isolation, substance abuse, or depression.
Someone who suffers from this phobia will find falling in love a scary thing.
According to the Brides website, there are several factors that cause people to fear falling in love, namely:
1. Past Trauma
Most phobias, including philophobia, are actually just a defense mechanism the brain uses to avoid pain. Prior traumatic experiences regulate these mechanisms, and in the case of fear of love or emotional connection, these experiences are usually based on attachment.
If you have experienced the pain of being abandoned or abandoned before, a reluctance to be close to another person for fear of experiencing it again will emerge.
2. Limiting Yourself
A person's openness to his relationships with others actually begins with their relationship with themselves or rather how they view themselves.
If a person has internalized beliefs that limit self-esteem or think they are not "enough," they may consider themselves unworthy of love and predict painful rejection.
Similarly, they may consider themselves incapable of giving love or affection and fear hurting others.
How to Overcome the Fear of Falling in Love
1. Be honest with yourself
First, see if you can identify the root of your fear. Ask yourself why you are afraid to fall in love. Be honest with your answer: This is to make your life better, so avoiding the hard parts is just hurting yourself.
You may not fear love itself but rather fear loss or emotional pain.
For example, have you been hurt in the past and the thought of loving someone again is scary? Do you tend to keep other people at a distance? Are you worried about fully sharing yourself and your story with others?
"We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we hurt. The way we were hurt in previous relationships, starting from childhood, has a strong influence on how we view those close to us as well as how we act in our relationships." says director of research and education at The Glendon Association and clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
It's normal to protect ourselves, but it's more important to make sure we protect ourselves from the right people. If you stay away from everyone who shows interest in you, you will miss a big event.
Try to describe the specific reasons you fear love and identify the reasons you feel that way.
2. Face Your Fears
Once you realize what's causing you to be afraid, feel the fear fully. You may still have doubts, but this will help you to better understand your emotions going forward.
It's okay to worry about heartbreak. You are not alone.
"Recognizing fears of intimacy and how they shape our behavior is an important step towards having a fulfilling, long-term relationship," says Firestone.
There is always a risk involved when it comes to love; it is an inherent part of the process. If you're afraid to let your guard down, think about the future (and what you want it to look like).
Remember that while there's no guarantee you'll be with one person forever, one person isn't the end.
You still deserve to be loved. If you get to a point where the relationship isn't working, you may be happy about it. Use it as an opportunity to meet someone more suited to you.
3. It's OK to Look Weak
It can be difficult to be completely open and honest with others about how you feel. When you're trying to overcome your fear of being loved, try talking to a loved one. Emotional intimacy is very important for being close to the people you care about.
"None of us wants to lose (imagined) authority over our emotions. Falling in love reminds us that most 'reasons' are irrelevant to many aspects of our emotional lives," says clinical psychologist Melissa Ritter, Ph.D.
You may feel like you don't need your partner's advice; You don't have to take his advice. However, opening up can strengthen your relationship.
Couples should be teammates and biggest supporters. Even if you are not used to relying on other people, now is the time to start breaking down the barriers that are built within you.
4. Everything Takes Time
Overcoming the fear of falling in love doesn't just happen overnight. Most importantly, don't rush the moment you feel the spark for someone.
It might be a good idea to take it slow. This will give you the time you need to process your feelings, weigh the values of the relationship, and build a foundation of trust. Try to be open with your partner.
Falling in love can be an exhilarating process if you allow yourself to get lost in it. When you take the risk, the rewards are worth it.